Suicidal instincts??

this one i'll keep short and mebbe even too the point if tht ever COULD be...

been in iit for a year now... iitb-suicide not exactly something out of the unknown... heard a random report before enrolling at iit, and was actually confronted by one after coming here. Srilu as he was known - i later found out - committed suicide in IITB on one very average normal day, another day to get on with for most iitians... just tht it wasnt to be... for many tht day turned out to be one they would never forget, for almost all others even remotely related, the date perhaps was lost, but the event forever etched in memory.

i won't bother with niceties like "may his soul r.i.p." or other euphemisms coz i simply do NOT believe in them... but i mean not any offense, so assume them if u may.

anyways... i thought of srilu out of the blue coz incidentally the room once occupied by srilu- was now allotted to a friend of mine... oh yeah... iitb can obv NOT make it a memorial, i mean cmon they've got to take in an additional 300 students man... so PUH-lease do not be taken aback by this... im just giving u the rational point of few...

i admit tht i in past, have been insensitive to those who have commited suicide. i infact made quite a few jokes with and on this friend who now occupies tht room.

i firmly believed suicide was for cowards. i thought srilu was a coward. i was wrong.

i for one cannot commit suicide even if i really wanted to.

explanation in order eh? why do u live?? coz u have a purpose. simple. there IS no other reason...
actually there is... we'll get to it... but it's really rare n for most ppl it stops at the first reason itself.

now imagine being stripped of ur purpose... haha u cant... i know u cant... dont try to fool urself thinking u can actually imagine... coz the pain of actually imagining it, is indeed next to the real thing. but i did imagine though. n i cried when i did.

with no purpose, irrationality takes a whole diff perspective altogether...
the only purposes i so cling to are the ones wherein i love the ppl who are close to me, too much... i'm not brave...oh no... i'd rather NOT bother with alien concepts like bravery.. im just trying to survive...